Friday, May 18, 2007

The Jaded Club

I have an admission to make. I'm jaded and proud of it. But while I have no problem with the way I am, I would like to "be with my own kind". You know, hang with people who have the same tendency for continual cynicism. As such, I'm creating a club for the jaded, where we can get together and celebrate our dearth of hope. I'm hoping some of you feel the same way, so I've enclosed the application package, in case you'd like to join.


Dear Applicant,

The Jaded Club thanks you for your interest.

We are always on the lookout for promising new members to join us in our continual state of cynicism. However, you must understand that we are an exclusive club, and as such, have exacting standards to which we must hold our members. Just being jaded is not enough.

Please answer the questions that follow at the bottom of this communication, and your membership application will be evaluated. Note that we thank all applicants for their interest, but only the candidates who have been selected for a follow-up interview will be contacted.


Table Mabel
President and Founder, The Jaded Club

The Jaded Club Membership Application Form

1. Do you make snide comments when witnessing any public display of affection?

2. Do you think that a white knight will come and rescue you?

3. How tolerant are you of the general public?

4. Are you convinced that there is no one out there for you?

5a. Have you ever dreamt of being Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman?

5b. Would you punch someone who has?

Complete the following sentences:

6. The best thing about being jaded is _____________________.

7. Love _____________________________.

Pick the most correct answer:

8. What word would best describe you?
a) melancholic
b) cynical
c) world-weary
d) jaded

9. People, as a general rule _______.
a) are idiots
b) are morons
c) suck chunkers
d) chafe my ass

10) In 30 words or less, describe what you would bring to The Jaded Club: