It's back!!!!!

Yup. After months of school being nothing but a distant memory of a place long ago and far away, today is the day to go back. I'm kinda nauseous. It feels like I'm starting all over again. I'm worried I won't remember how to find my way through the maze-like halls. That I won't have good people in my classes. That I've forgotten how to study. In case you haven't figured it out, I'm anxious. Pretty much exactly the way I was last year. Did I mention how much I appreciate that you passed this on to me, mom? Couldn't you just have given me your height genes instead?

Oh, and before we move on to semester three, I just have one thing to say:

To the replacement prof from last semester - I still don't appreciate you giving me that lame ass A. I damn well deserved an A+, and you know it. I plan to make you eat that A this semester. It is on, sir.

Now, I hate to say I told you so...

http://www.cbc.ca/canada/ontariovotes2007/story/2007/10/10/leaders.html

...but I freaking told you so John Tory. I called it ages ago. And the fact that I'm smarter than all the people on your staff should frighten you to death. I'd offer to help you out, but, fact is, I like my soul too much.

And now, to be completely juvenile - Nyah nyah nyahnyah nyah. Cram it with walnuts, ugly.

That tears it

The next person who throws themselves at closing doors on the subway in the hopes of cramming themselves through, pushes me out of the way in order to get on the train in front of me, or races me for a seat is gonna get my stiletto heel lodged in their eye but good.

A Dear John letter

Dear John McCain,

Remember how I used to say that I loved you? Turns out I was wrong.

We've drifted apart over the last few months, what with you turning into an insane, far-right-wing hack and all, but tonight's performance on The Daily Show was the last straw. You were asked a question was about prolonging the terms of American troops in Iraq, and you managed to ramble on about how the troops think the war is a good thing, and refused to acknowledge the question, despite it being asked more than once.

I hate you just as much as I hate Rumsfeld, Cheney, or any other Republican heel who can't think beyond your party's talking points.

Don't ever call me again.

Semifinal Saturday

It seems that our terrible outing last week did the job.

With our sucktastic play, we managed to put ourselves into 'C' Division, instead of 'A'. With that happy thought in our heads and hearts, we went out to play our 'C' Division competition. I use that word loosely, as it wasn't a competition for long. We took three with the hammer in the first end, and stole five in the second. We called the game after 5 ends, with an 11-1 victory to our credit. I made some terrible shots, but there was also a perfect draw to the button, so I'm pretty happy with my performance.

Next week, the final week of the season - I know, you're looking forward to fewer curling updates - we battle for the 'C' Division crown. To our competition, recognize that in just under a week, we (along with our secret weapon) will mop the floor with you. Get the crying towels ready.

Weekend Curling Update

I know you've all been breathless, a twitter with anticipation, waiting impatiently to hear what happened in Saturday Night Social Curling this week. And who could blame you? I don't want to say the fate of the world hangs in the balance, but I think we all know it does.

So without further ado, here's the curling recap for y'all.

Your valiant heroes took on team R (for Ridiculous, why even try?) and mid way through the game, yours truly was asked to make a takeout shot. And being the excellent curler I am, I did take out a rock. Actually, I'm being modest. I took out two. Unfortunately, they were both ours. That's right, with two team R rocks for me to take out, I managed to knock out ours instead. But, I took it pretty well. Instead of throwing my stabilizer, and cursing a blue streak (which I totally have never done. Honest.) I simply informed team R that now that they had seen my work, if they wanted it to continue, they needed to pony up some cash. They considered my offer while they threw their rock. Then it was my turn again, and they still hadn't gotten back to me. So I did the only thing I could do. I threw a perfect takeout and removed two of their rocks and had my shooter freeze nicely to the one that remained. Again, instead of rubbing my awesome domination in their faces, I simply stated that they hadn't gotten back to me so I was forced to assume they weren't interested.

After that, they didn't put up much of a fight. We won 8 - 1.

I'm not quite sure why this new found sense of maturity and good sportsmanship has overcome me, and I'm hoping it won't last. More than the actual victory, I enjoy the taunting. I want it back.

Losing isn't as fun as it is cracked up to be

I'm bitter.

For the third year in a row, I lost our family Oscar pool. For years, our family has been watching the Oscars together, and because gambling makes bloated award shows (and everything else) more fun, we started an annual pool. And I always won. And when I say won, I don't mean some pansy-assed, by the skin of your teeth, nail-biting till the end win. Oh no. I mean complete and total domination from the word go, where any semblance of the outcome being in doubt was obliterated without me even breaking a sweat, utter humiliation for the losers kind of win. It got to the point where we had to change the rules, because apparently me winning all the time isn't as fun for other people as it is me. And I'm such a good winner, who would never rub it in anyone's face, so I have no idea why that would be.

What do you mean the sarcasm detector is going haywire?

Anyhow, since the change in the rules, I've been much less successful. And I seem to have lost the killer instinct. Even when I know what will win, if I don't actually want the person/movie to win, I can't bring myself to cast my vote for it. Like this year, I knew that American Idol contestant Jennifer Hudson was going to win, but having seen her performance and having seen the other performances, I just didn't want her to win. Not that she wasn't good, but I just couldn't in good conscience vote for her over Cate Blanchett. As far as I can tell, the Oscars are still given out for achievement in acting, not singing. I don't know if singing has an award ceremony - note: the Grammys don't count because they reward sales, not talent. See: Peas, The Black Eyed.

So, it doesn't look like I'll be changing this downward trend anytime soon. But on the bright side, my mom, who won the pool for the first time ever, left me a message rubbing her victory in. She's coming along nicely.

And now, here's John with the sports update

We won 5-2. I made a couple of pretty good shots, and I was extremely mouthy. It was a good night all round. The only bad part was that I had to buy my own beer. You can't win 'em all, I guess.

Non-competitive? I can be the most non-competitive person around!

So, as usual, I have a curling draw tonight. That's right. I spend my Saturday evenings curling. I'm super cool. Wanna fight about it?

Anyhow, I'm getting ready to go curl, so I check to see who we're playing tonight. It turns out it is an old teammate. This put a huge smile on my face. Why? Well, I love curling. I love everything about it, from the freezing conditions, to the small margin for error, to the precarious balancing on ice, to the drinking afterwards. Not to mention the hot bartenders. But if I'm being honest, what I like most is when I can throw cutting insults (all in good fun! I did learn that good sportsmanship is important!) at my opponents. And this works best when I know the person, and can be sure that they won't take offense when I tell them I'm going to crush them like a bug, or that we shouldn't even bother playing the game, or that because I'm so nice, I'll only beat them by 8. This is a bit in contrast with the whole "Saturday night social curling" thing, where anyone can play, no matter the skill level, and it supposed to be fun, but so far, people have been quite understanding. I'm quite the yappy player, and keep the smack talk going throughout the game. You could say I'm the Sean Avery of Saturday night curling - though I'd like to think I'm a bit more talented than he is. At least in terms of yapping ability. He probably gets more groupies than I do, and the role of NHL pest probably pays better than social curling... But I digress.

So, in closing: Team N (for No chance in hell) - prepare to have your hats handed to you tonight. We are going to mop the floor with your sorry butts, and any shots we don't make will be because we pity you so much. I mean, I've seen teams suck before, but you are the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked. You are going down my friends, so you may as well give me your drink orders now, just to speed things up afterwards. Prediction? 6-4 for us.