Tips for putting the fun in academia. And by fun, I mean alcohol.

Starbucks Hazelnut hot chocolate topped up liberally with Frangelico is an excellent way to get through class.

It is tasty, and helps dull the pain of scholastic pursuits. Plus, it is odour-free, so no one can tell you are boozing it up. No one, that is, unless you start acting drunk. Like by adding your own "The way I see it" statements to your cup, in which you slag the stupider members of the class, show it to your friend and then the two of you giggle like idiots for five minutes straight. Over and over again.

(title credit to Stormy.)

I just don't think Emily Post would be able to help me with this one

Well, it's Friday. And you know what that means: a mature, analytical, reflective and thoughtful discussion of all things groinal.

I found this question posed just in passing, and thought that on this, the most privatest of parts day of the week, it needed to be given more attention.

So, today I'd like to query, "What is the proper response when someone sends you an unrequested picture of his penis?"

Stormy, I'm looking at you here...

Best news of the day

Stormy is back, finally, from her summer sojourn in the the wilds of America, trying to live that operatic life.

I have no idea how I managed without her, and it thrills me to bits that she's back in my area code. Welcome home Stormy - the vodka is chilling the freezer, and the hummus is waiting, any time you're ready!

Tech Support Honour Roll

Over the past few weeks, I have dealt with more internet tech support people than I can count on all my fingers and toes. And I would like to thank those who were helpful and didn't make me want to smack them till they bled. So here goes:

To Rick, Greg, and David -

You guys rocked. You actually did your jobs, weren't total dicksticks (TM Stormy) while dealing with me, and in the process you restored my faith in humanity. Your many colleagues can go to hell and die.

I'm also clumsy

On top of my idiocy, I have this knack for ungainliness that is just awesome. I make Bambi trying to walk on ice for the first time look downright graceful. This morning, I ground up some coffee beans, and then promptly dumped half of them all over my arms, my feet, and the kitchen floor.

Stormy once said of me "Mabel: She puts the 'ass' in classy."

Truer words were never spoke.

It sure ain't the old 'yawn and stretch'

Recently, my good friend Stormy was invited over to a gentleman's place for dinner and drinks. They sat on the couch, and in due time, he made his move. You know, the move to indicate that he was interested in more than just her wit and vivacious spirit. And while she wasn't necessarily surprised that he made a move, the move he made shocked her.

He stuck his head in her armpit.

I know. I was blown away too. I consider myself a pretty modern woman, open to new ideas and all that jazz, but a head in the armpit as a declaration of romantic intent? New to me. We talked about this scary, apparent latest development in the art of seduction, and couldn't figure out what would possess anyone to try it, especially when breaking in a new partner.

But upon reflection, I think we may have misunderstood the gentleman's intentions. I was perusing the archives of a favourite site of mine, when I read an entry that shed some light on things. The writer in question was going to shake hands with someone, when there was some confusion about whether it was a hug or a shake, and her head ended up in his underarm.

So, maybe, just maybe, Stormy, you misread his move. Maybe he was just trying to hug you. Or maybe we should all be very afraid.

Mark this in your calendars

Today is Angry Friday (tm The Stormy Diva).

This means you are allowed to be crusty and pissed off at any little thing, and no one can give you grief about it. And you can throw hissyfits whenever you'd like. Me? I'm taking the opportunity to whine and stomp around my apartment complaining about my computer being slow, construction outside, slow-ass cashiers, the stupid bird that chirps nonstop during daylight hours in the apartment next door, the fact that I don't have any cheese, and many other things.

I haven't quite figured it out, and I will have to check in with Stormy on this, but I think that Angry Friday will be a monthly event. I'll keep you posted.

You're welcome. And enjoy.

Introducing Chemical Schlong

My good friend Stormy does this thing on her blog, called Private Part Fridays. In it, she talks about the important groinal issues of the day. You really should make a note in your dayplanner to read it. Anyhow, a while ago, when bandying about possible topics, we got to talking about men who Nair their nether regions, and we decided that if we started a band, the name would be Chemical Schlong.

As we don't know when to leave well enough alone, we thought it would be a good idea to come up with our song list for our first album. Obviously, we went with an eponymous album title. I like to think that when we get to our fourth album, we'll do the same thing, so that people will then have to give their own titles to each of them so that they can distinguish between them, much like people have to do with the Green and Blue Weezer albums. But that is far in the future.

For now, I would like to present to you the playlist for Chemical Schlong's debut album (which you can also find chez Stormy). We have decided to do our own covers of songs, with a few minor lyric and theme changes. Enjoy.

CHEMICAL SCHLONG
Chemical Schlong

Sexy back (Justin Timberlake) Back hair = not hot. We're taking hairy back.
I bleed (The Pixies) A musical how-to guide to injury-free shaving.
Wave of mutilation (The Pixies) A songcycle highlighting hair removal horror stories.
Inbetween days (The Cure) The ugly side of stubble.
Boys don’t cry (The Cure) And men don't cry when they get their back waxed either.
Is it in you? (Charlatans) Poison Control telephone numbers put to song in case of accidental ingestion of depilatories.
Where is the line? (Bjork) Brazilian or Bikini?
Electric Renaissance (Belle and Sebastian) A duet about electric razors vs. waxing.
Hotwax (Beck)
Burnin’ (Daft Punk)

I'll be sure to let you all know when the album is released for public consumption, and of any tour dates.