Saturday, April 14, 2007


Oh Facebook, what hath thou wrought?

So, we have established that I gave in to Facebook and found lots of good stuff on it. And for a while, things were hunky dory. But now, I think we're having our first fight.

Let me start from the beginning.

A while ago, Stormy created a group in Facebook, in order to rope one of our friends into joining. Again, as I keep telling you, peer pressure is awesome and you should always give into it! Anyhow, we decided that this group for people who knew our friend, the Admiral, would be open to everyone, in case some of his friends that we didn't know wanted to join. And it worked, on both counts. Our friend joined, and a number of other people found the group and joined it too. This includes ex-boyfriends. Then Stormy decided that we should have an event for the Admiral, and sent out an invite to the group.

You can probably see where this is going.

Last night was the event. We met up at a bar we all used to spend far too much time in when we were much younger, but it was too packed, so we left and went to another bar close by, but not one we frequented together. We left messages for people we knew were coming but weren't there yet, to let them know we'd changed locations. But we didn't tell everyone. So imagine our surprise when around the corner walks someone we didn't leave a message for. My ex.

I tell you, my stomach dropped out when I saw him. I thought I was going to be sick.

Now, I understand that some people can be friends after breakups and all that. But ours wasn't what you would call a 'amicable split'. It ended terribly. We were together for about 2 years, and it took me at least that long to get over the pain and deal with the issues. I'm back on solid ground now, but seeing him walk into the room, even now, 6 years after the fact, and it was like a punch to the gut, ripping off the band aid. Choose any metaphor you'd like. It was that and worse.

I did the only thing I could do. I ran to the bar.

After the initial sucker punch of panic, and a couple of gin and tonics, I was hit with the double edged sword of pity and regret.

The pity, I was expecting. I've heard things about him since our split, and the years haven't been kind to him. After we broke up, he slid down the path to crazyville. Instead of the cute young thing he was while we were together, he became a mirror image of Grizzly Adams. He had some dealings with the law. He became deluded about his own abilities, and downright mean about the abilities of others. He tried to rope friends into shady dealings. It got to the point that I wanted to deny we had ever dated.

The regret, on the other hand, was a total shock. I sat there, trying not to look at him, yet unable to pull my eyes away. I kept wondering how it had all gone so wrong, and how he could have hurt me like that (side note: Guys, don't ever, EVER, tell your girlfriend you really want to sleep with one of her best friends. Just don't.) and how the sweet, caring man I fell in love with had turned into something I barely recognized.

There was only one thing to do. Drink more.

After a number of additional drinks, I realized that I was going to have to be the bigger person, and go talk to him. This would not only make me feel better, by being the adult in the situation, but would help me get over all the squishiness inside me. So I moved over, and eventually, got him to talk. He asked if I was still working for the same company, and when I told him about my lack of a job and my scholastic plans, he remembered that I had always been interested in that field. We talked a bit about what I was doing, where I was living, and he was actually kind of sweet. I caught a glimpse of the man I had at one point thought I'd marry. It wasn't a long conversation, as he had plans to head on to another event, and that was probably a good thing. I learned last night that I haven't quite dealt with everything as well as I thought I did.

Long story not so short? We're thinking of changing the group to 'by invite only'. And Facebook? Please, if you want us to continue being friends, don't bring back any other past loves. I don't think I can take it.

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