So, as usual, I have a curling draw tonight. That's right. I spend my Saturday evenings curling. I'm super cool. Wanna fight about it?
Anyhow, I'm getting ready to go curl, so I check to see who we're playing tonight. It turns out it is an old teammate. This put a huge smile on my face. Why? Well, I love curling. I love everything about it, from the freezing conditions, to the small margin for error, to the precarious balancing on ice, to the drinking afterwards. Not to mention the hot bartenders. But if I'm being honest, what I like most is when I can throw cutting insults (all in good fun! I did learn that good sportsmanship is important!) at my opponents. And this works best when I know the person, and can be sure that they won't take offense when I tell them I'm going to crush them like a bug, or that we shouldn't even bother playing the game, or that because I'm so nice, I'll only beat them by 8. This is a bit in contrast with the whole "Saturday night social curling" thing, where anyone can play, no matter the skill level, and it supposed to be fun, but so far, people have been quite understanding. I'm quite the yappy player, and keep the smack talk going throughout the game. You could say I'm the Sean Avery of Saturday night curling - though I'd like to think I'm a bit more talented than he is. At least in terms of yapping ability. He probably gets more groupies than I do, and the role of NHL pest probably pays better than social curling... But I digress.
So, in closing: Team N (for No chance in hell) - prepare to have your hats handed to you tonight. We are going to mop the floor with your sorry butts, and any shots we don't make will be because we pity you so much. I mean, I've seen teams suck before, but you are the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked. You are going down my friends, so you may as well give me your drink orders now, just to speed things up afterwards. Prediction? 6-4 for us.