I'm officially old

Not age-wise, of course. Age-wise I'm still a strapping young lass, barely over the drinking age (play along, okay?). But in my heart? I'm old.

I was flicking through the channels, and ran across "Behind the Scenes" for that classic piece of cinema, Showgirls. I saw this dance, where she licks - actually full-out, entire tongue, Gene Simmons-style licks - the stripper pole. And my first thought? Ew, that's so gross. I don't even want to think about all the sweat and germs on that thing. She could pick up Hepatitis.

I'm getting some support hose as we speak.